Valentine’s Day MAY be the biggest chick flick of 2010 and it is going to be release right before V-day (of course)… but I have a confession to make. I think I want to go see it. Not for the romantic comedy-ness of it all, no. I want to see it simply for the ridiculous number of hot women IN the movie. The cast is freaking incredible. A quick roundup of the chicks you’d see:

Anne Hathaway

I’ve been watching Anne ever since her Hollywood debut as Disney’s lovable princess in the Princess Diaries. Two comments to protect my manhood: 1.) I was young enough to watch Disney, so quit judging me douchebags. 2.) Tiaras make girls look like strippers and that’s hot. Besides, my Anne Hathaway loyalty hit paydirt when she showed her tits in Brokeback Mountain. I can only hope we’re that lucky in Valentine’s Day.

Jennifer Garner

Jennifer is such an awesome chick – I can totally forgive her for the worst Marvel comic book movie ever (Elektra). As with all of the other girls in this movie, I’m hoping she shows some T & A. I’m not sure if I’ve ever seen her naughty bits and it’d make my tube sock very happy if it were to happen in 2010.

Jessica Alba

I don’t understand why Jessica Alba won’t return my letters. I even included nude pictures of myself making out with a Fantastic Four cutout of her. What else could she possibly want? I would show up on her doorstep with flowers and a rabbit vibrator for her, but apparently these celebrities like to hide where they live. How unfair for Jessica. Someday, my sweet princess will realize how much she is missing. She’ll run to my doorstep, ask my mom if I was home, and come down to my basement to make sweet, sweet Invisible Girl love to me. …oh and she is in this movie, too.

Julia Roberts

Sometimes I can’t decide if Julia Roberts is hot or not. I mean she has a bangable body and her goods are great, but something is just amiss  every now and then. I think it’s her long lips. Whenever they aren’t cracked like she was walking for days through the Sahara, I’d hit it. But otherwise she can just stick to making out with some lip balm. I’m not sure how Bradley Cooper is going to bang her in this movie, since usually he is banging a much hotter chick in a movie. Like Scarlett Johansson.

Emma Roberts

No relation to Julia… I think. Emma hasn’t been in much but she has just the right look for a high school girl who wants to get smothered in penis. I hope that I can be just the man to do that for her.

Taylor Swift

Aside from looking about 34% retarded, Taylor Swift is so bangable. In this movie, she plays the love interest of her real life beau (gag). …oh Christ I just realized that Taylor Swift is dating Taylor Lautner. Two Taylors? Can this get any more ridiculous?

Jessica Biel

And to cap it all off – Jessica Biel. I’m hoping to see her bouncing up and down on some guy while wearing a red bustier in this movie, but I’ll try not to get too excited. Sometimes I forget that real movies don’t include blowjobs and raunchy sex. I watch too much porn and I kind of forget what real movies (and real life) are like. I just hope that sometime down the road, Jessica realizes her true calling as a porn star. Then she won’t have to mess with “acting” or “romantic comedies.” It’ll be whiteouts and threesomes for the rest of your life, baby!

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