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Tiger Woods Paid Main Mistress $10 Million to Shut the Fuck Up

Tuesday, April 6th, 2010 | No Comments

Tiger Woods reportedly paid his main whore, Rachel Uchitel 10 million dollars (US not Paso’s) to prevent her from going through with a tell all press conference.  Rachel Uchitel is the smartest whore alive, because unlike all those other budget sluts that Tiger Woods’ was sticking his putter in, Rachel Uchitel had the good sense to get 10 million dollars in hush money, instead of telling some random tabloid what a home wrecking whore she is for bread crumbs. The celebrity secrets killer, TMZ reports:

But our sources — and they are good — tell TMZ Tiger was so concerned with the depth and detail of information from Alleged Mistress #1 that they folded like a cheap suit, and offered the huge $10 million sum in return for an ironclad confidentiality agreement.
TMZ has learned the actual settlement could fluctuate $1 million either way, depending on future circumstances. But the baseline is $10 mil.
Compare Rachel’s settlement with what other A.M’s received, if they got anything at all. We’re told several mistresses got several hundred thousand dollars, and others got nothing. That speaks volumes about how much Rachel knows.

What the fuck did Tiger Woods do with this chick? Paying 10 million dollars to get some whore to shut the fuck up must mean that whatever she knows must be damn crazy.  I mean his other whores have already exposed some pretty dirty/deviant secrets, like Tiger Woods’ obsession with sticking his putter in the back door so what kind of deviant shit was Tiger Woods doing with Rachel Uchitel? God damn if I was a rich as Tiger Woods I sure as hell be fucking mint ass chicks, none of these beat, used up, weathered, catcher’s mitt looking bitches, seriously an old Louis Vuitton starter kit purse looks better than this Rachel Uchitel women; on the other hand imagine how many mint ass hookers 10 million dollars and all that lost money from dropped endorsement deals could buy? Make sign confidentiality contract, Fuck, pay, see ya later hoe…Tiger Woods is a dumbass and so is Jesse James, but Jesse James is just another league of deviant with zero standards and seeing the bitches Tiger Woods’ has gotten with, Jesse James has got some major issues that are probably too big to ever work out.

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What Hot Birdies Was Tiger Banging?

Wednesday, December 16th, 2009 | No Comments

Tiger's ladiesSince I don’t give a crap about the holidays and my family is having a Christmas party today, I needed an excuse to miss it. So I sat down this morning and thought – how can I efficiently waste my time and feel guilt free about bailing on my family? It was obvious, really. I need to educate the people on what Tiger was roughing up with his nine iron.

Elin Nordegren (The Model Wife)

ElinElin Nordegren is Tiger Woods’ current(?) trophy wife. She was formerly a Swedish bikini model (although she still is Swedish). She was his devoted wife for five years and popped out two tiger cubs for him. You would think that doing that alone would earn her a little respect from the Tiger Has-Wood!

I wouldn’t feel too sorry for her, though. Apparently she has a vengeance streak and does not accept getting messed around on for years. Norse women aren’t kidding. Elin had no qualms with scratching the crap out of Tiger and then beating him off. With a golf club. Until he was bloody.

Rachel Uchitel (The Hot Model)

Rachel Uchitel was the 'Hot Model'

So who are you going to be banging if it isn’t your hot Swedish model of a wife? Any chick with enormous knockers, of course. Tiger and Rachel met while she was working as a hostess in a Manhattan night club. Although it’s a few steps down from being Swedish or a model, I suppose it would do. She has been denying to the press that she and Tiger knocked boots, but we know better. Look at that rack. They have tiger prints all over them.

Jamie Jungers (The Almost-Model)

Jamie

Obviously Woods got wood over Jamie because she was a hot as hell blonde who was kind of a model. (Not that it matters since he was banging a model at home anyway. I know from personal experience that model lays are all the same after so many, anyway.) She was having a 18-month long affair back when she was the ripe age of 20. She seems cute and doable but you got to question the morals of a chick who would come over to get pounded if she knew that the wife was gone. But I guess if you are the guy doing the pounding you really don’t give a crap anyway.