Viewing all articles related to Thanksgiving

Jessica Alba Gives Tasty Treats

Friday, November 27th, 2009 | No Comments

Jessica Alba sure wasn’t happy to see me on Thanksgiving.  And you’d think she would appreciate her stalker once in a while… especially on thanks-fucking-giving! Sigh. The poor lass can’t see the forest for the trees.

Here she is looking scrump-diddily-umptious bringing Thanksgiving treats to her daddy’s house. I have no idea what’s in her box but they look gross to me. Prunes? Dates? Chocolate covered spiders? J. Alb, you’re a celebrity. Quit pretending you’re a domestic goddess. If you walk around with your cleavage poking out like that no one on this earth is going to care what you brought to Thanksgiving, even dear old dad.

Sick? Yes. Get used to it.

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Celebs Who Take Turkey Day Too Seriously

Thursday, November 26th, 2009 | 1 Comment

Stuffing your face with stuffing is a well-embraced tradition for the citizens of the United States on Thanksgiving… but it’s sad to say that some people take it a little too seriously. My fat Aunt Carol and celebrities included. Here are the top celebrities who really need to lay off the gravy and mashed potatoes, unless next year they want to be featured as a Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade balloon.

Keely Shaye Smith

Come on Keely. You’re married to JAMES BOND. Why on this green earth are you the size of a large moon, or maybe a very small planet? I mean I’m not going to say that you are ugly now that you have a few extra pounds of cellulite, but it doesn’t make sense to me. Not that Pierce Brosnan is quite the hunky anymore, but get a grip. And not on candy.

If you want to check out Keely when she was hot (aka not fat) check out the thumb!

Before the fat:

Jessica Simpson

Now I know what you’re thinking, “WHAT? JESSICA SIMPSON? FUCK SHE IS STILL HOT!” Well, I have some news for you. Jessica Simp maybe be considered to be within the normal BMI range but! She was so damn hot before that now this minor weight gain makes even worse. It’s like turning gold into dog turds.

Before the fat:

Britney Spears

Britney is a barrel full of fucking insane, we all know this. So the addition of her being fat is just hilarious, rather than sad (like it is with the uber hot Jessica Simpson). At one point I wanted so badly to hit her just one more time… until she started hitting her face with cream sticks. Why can’t we have the non-crazy, hot, underage Britney back?

Before the fat:

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