I always thought Lindsay Lohan was skinny, most coked out sloppy messes usually are, but Lindsay Lohan has once again managed to shock me because these recent photos show that as opposed to being skinny as expected of most drug abusers Lindsay Lohan apparently has what looks to be a beer belly and she’s wearing hammer pants lol. God Lindsay Lohan is such a fuckin disaster, it’s really a mystery how Lindsay Lohan even manages to get up mid afternoon, who are we kidding she probably gets up around 10pm dress herself and troll the streets of LA to find another party where she can get inebriated at until the sun comes up. Lindsay Lohan looks like she’s in rough shape, so rough that she keeps randomly falling down, the same night that she showed off her awesome belly in equally awesome hammer pants she managed to eat the pavement once AGAIN! Maybe her belly is from all the dust she’s been eating? Seriously Lindsay Lohan wake the fuck up and get a grip on your life, all you need to do is look in the mirror to be scared shitless. Imagine going from a decent looking chick to well, what Lindsay Lohan looks like now, that should be more than enough incentive for Lindsay Lohan to be on the next Celebrity Rehab with Dr.Drew….

Lindsay Lohan has another fail to add to her what must now be astronomically large list of fails. Lindsay Lohan acting, box office mega fail. Lindsay Lohan trying to be a decent human, given fail. Lindsay Lohan trying to pretend that she doesn’t still do blow off club floors and random toilette seats, lying fail. Lindsay Lohan, trying to cover up the fact that she’s a freckled ginger freak, obvious fail. Lindsay Lohan trying to walk upright like a normal human, simple task yet she ends up eating the pavement or actually in this case a bush (no not that kind of bush, but an actual plant) fail fail fail fail. Lindsay Lohan’s utter stupidity never ceases to amaze me, but the one thing she doesn’t fail at, is being consistently retarded. I found these photos of Lindsay Lohan falling, wiping out, eating dust hysterical, if anyone is ever feeling like an ass or stupid just look at these photos and you’ll instantaneously feel better and smarter. Lindsay Lohan, C U Next Tuesday (take the first letter of C U Next Tuesday and let me know what it spells), hopefully you do something belligerent before then I’ll wager my girlfriend that you will.

Although Lindsay Lohan has been trying her very best (I use the word ‘best’ loosely, because think of what an addicts very best entails, not much and for Lindsay Lohan her very best is not doing a mountain of blow with a rolled up news paper during an interview) to convince the world that she’s a changed women, that she’s no longer a junkie, drama queen, spoiled ginger drunken retard, derailed train wreck. However, Lindsay Lohan’s latest move reaffirms that Lindsay Lohan is still as fuckin stupid as ever and probably really really desperate for drug money. Lindsay Lohan is suing E Trade Securities for 100 million dollars over their commercial featuring a “milk-a-holic” named Lindsay (the commercial is hilarious).

This from Lindsay Lohan’s lawyer:

Lohan’s lawyer, Stephanie Ovadia, said the actress has the same single-name recognition as Oprah or Madonna.
“Many celebrities are known by one name only, and E-Trade is using that knowledge to profit,” Ovadia said.
“They used the name Lindsay … This is a subliminal message. Everybody’s talking about it and saying it’s Lindsay Lohan.”
She says Lohan is owed $50 million in exemplary damages, plus another $50 million in compensatory damages.

WOW! First question, how is Lindsay Lohan going to pay her lawyer? Second question Lindsay Lohan did you get even more fuckin retarded? Did someone lace your supply of blow with retard dust? Lindsay Lohan should thank E Trade Securities for using a name that is the same as hers on TV, when was the last time that Lindsay Lohan’s name was used in conjunction with something positive like milk, babies and the diversification of portfolios? Also implying that the only substance Lindsay Lohan is addicted to is milk has probably been the most flattering things that anyone has said about her in years. Last, Lindsay Lohan comparing her name to the likes of Oprah and Madonna is just plain insanity, because last time I checked the name Lindsay is a generic, ugly ass name that millions of stupid people name their kids. So Lindsay Lohan get over youself, you’re stupid please move to Germany and live with David Hasselhoff, I’m sure you two will have a wonderful time eating burgers off the floor.  Props to e-trade for the lindsay lohan commercial.