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Someone Should Stop Kristen Bell

Friday, January 29th, 2010 | 1 Comment

Kristen Bell

Seriously, if she gets any more adorable I’m going to have to blow my own brains out with a sawed off shotgun just so I can cope. This girl is ridiculous. It would be a crime against God and nature if we don’t somehow end up together. She is looking 100% amazing at the premiere of her new movie, When in Rome. Granted, I doubt I’ll go see this romantic comedy P.O.S. (since it’s my belief that romantic comedies are destroying the world). But my heart will still be with dear Kristen, planning for our wedding night 3 years, 6 months and 20 days from now.

See more of my lover Kristen here.

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TAGS: Kristen Bell, Premiere, When in Rome

Fuck Me Lambos

Tuesday, December 1st, 2009 | No Comments

Back 2 years ago when Heroes was the bee’s knees, Lamborghini paid the two starlettes to stand beside their car. What just doesn’t settle in this morning is that, there are so many more bitches out there that would’ve been down to get butt naked on the hood, even fucked one or two dudes on the way, to get a chance to get paid to be posing for Lamborghini. OK, maybe I’m exaggerating, but I’m still expecting more from Kristen Bell.

Now for your daily Tuesday links:

A Collection of Funny Wii Commercials / Attuworld

Kelly Clarkson is NOT Fat… Seriously / Celeb Jihad

Estelle Warren Looking Fit in Tight Swimsuit / Glamzilla

The Best Way To Sell Bricks: Use Hot Chicks / Uncoached

Monday Motivational Posters: Hilarious / The Chive

Shauna Sand Is Now Shamelessly Promoting Her Sex Tape / Don Chavez

The Sweet 16: Suicide Girls / Guyism

The Masturbation Double Standard / Cracked

SWEET! I Love Darts / Regretful Morning

Five Things We Learned from the Miss Universe Sex Tapes / Gunaxin

Maria Ozawa, Japanese Porn Star, A SFW Compilation / Caveman Circus

Brooke Banks is the Babe of the Day / Big Smudge

NSFW Links:

Shakira is Looking Hot As Hell / Dirty Rotten Whore

Eliza Sys Nude in “S” Magazine Photo Shoot / Nebula’s

Cute London Hart Gets Nude in Bed /2 Damn Hot

Nude Magazine Stills from Last Month / Nudography

Jodie Marsh has some Huge Tits / Celebrity Movie Blog

Paula LaRocca Naked for Playboy Mexico / NSFW POA

TAGS: Heroes, Kristen Bell

Top 5 Funny Chicks I Want/Need to Bang

Tuesday, November 24th, 2009 | 1 Comment

There is one thing that I will never be able to tolerate – women who think they are funny. 99.9% of girls think that they’re a riot, but in actuality, I’d much rather be getting curbstomped IN a riot than listen to them prattle on. I will, however, make some exceptions:

#1 Kristen Wiig

Not only is Kristen Wiig “piss my pants then puke” hilarious, but she is also wicked hot. I mean, ridiculously hot. When a girl is funny (usually a statistical improbability) it multiplies how hot she is by like 4,000. That makes her hotter than Mother Theresa.

I first discovered Kristen Wiig on Saturday Night Live as her overly-competitive character Penelope. I now watch her every Saturday night and I am obsessed with her to the point of what is legally known as stalking. I love you Kristen. Marry me and carry my seed.

#2 Tina Fey

On top of Tina Fey being uber hot, she is also an awesome television/comedy writer and has a super cool scar on her face. She also appeared on SNL, true, but what you didn’t know was that she was the first female head-fucking-writer for Saturday Night Live. And she created and stars in the hit TV series, 30 Rock. And she does a scary-good Sarah Palin impersonation. Jesus, Tina, you make even a successful, strapping, young man such as myself look like a pile of turds.

Oh and I see you Tina Fey. Bending over in that scandalously ridiculous outfit. Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing to me and my manhood.

#3 Sarah Silverman

Sarah Silverman is one damn fine piece of Jewish ass. She is hot, edgy and it seems that she loves to show some side boobage (see picture above). I’m not sure when I first fell in love with Sarah, but I knew our love was real when I saw her “I’m Fucking Matt Damon” music video. Who wouldn’t love a girl who publicly announces that she is fucking Matt Damon (to her current boyfriend no less). She’s got some balls.

Note: I’m not really into girls with balls. That was 80% metaphorical.

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TAGS: Funny girls, Hot Girls, Kristen Bell

The Battle of the Blondes: Magazine Cover Edition

Thursday, August 6th, 2009 | 3 Comments

A blonde battle for the hottest bitch on these socialite magazines and if there was a kiddie pool full of mayonnaise (even thought it’s kinda gross) I’d wrestle all three of these babes until clothes starts slipping off. January Jones, Kristen Bell and Jennifer Aniston are three really hot celebrities but only one can win the title of today’s smokin’ hot blonde on a magazine cover.

Who’s your pick, innocent yet seductive January Jones, cute bubbly girl attitude who probably has a freaky fetish Kristen Bell or veteran ‘lonely girl’ Jennifer Aniston that has been around the block a few times and can teach you a few tricks in bed?

January Jones August 2009 Issue of GQ Italy

Kristen Bell September 2009 Issue of Cosmopolitan Magazine

Jennifer Aniston September 2009 Issue of ELLE Magazine

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Uncensored Morning Links:

Kelly Brook In A Shitty Upskirt Picture of the Day – Stepfather

Spandex and Britney Spears – The Chive

Kate Moss is Topless – Celeb Slam

Katie Price’s Big Knockers – Ehowa

Hot Celebrity Photos, What You Missed – Daily Fill

Sexy Brunette Sports Player in Bikini – Busted Coverage

7 Theme Parties You’ve Not Had – Made Man

The 20 Sexiest Rockstar Spawn – COED Mag

TAGS: January Jones, Jennifer Aniston, Kristen Bell

Kristen Bell Wins Smallest Bikini Contest

Saturday, June 20th, 2009 | 1 Comment

Kristen Bell and her homo boyfriend Dax Shepard are vacationing n Hawaii and she’s wearing possibly the smallest bikini top know to women bikini tops. Too bad she’s got little titties because I was hoping her one would pop out for our viewing pleasure. Happy Saturday hangover.

TAGS: Kristen Bell

Kristen Bell Complex Photoshoot Outtakes

Saturday, December 13th, 2008 | No Comments

The ever so lovely Heroes electric babe Kristen Bell looks so cute in her Complex photoshoot outtakes, she’s just so damn cute. I just want to pet her and love her and stroke her and well, squeeze her to death. I don’t find her sexually attractive (Oh I’d totally hit it if I had the chance) but she’s someone I’d like to just get to know better. Talk about her life long dreams, get to know the real-What the hell am I talking about, I must be smoking’ some gnarly weed because I’d give her the best stink finger she had ever had. Seriously I would, my fingers are magic.

TAGS: Kristen Bell

Kristen Bell Likes her Dresses Snug

Saturday, December 6th, 2008 | No Comments

Kristen Bell likes her dresses tight like her… vagina? I know I know, that was too easy but hey my mind is permanently in the gutter. Anyway, back to Kristen Bells’ fine body, she needs a bigger chest. She’s slacking in that department pretty badly. It’s sad, I know, but we live in the 21st century where flawed chicks can be with a little ‘correction’ by the hands of a surgeon.

TAGS: Kristen Bell

Kristen Bell Is Cutest, EVER?

Monday, June 9th, 2008 | No Comments

These are by far the cutest pics I have seen of Kristen Bell like EVER. I wonder how that application I sent to Hollywood for the next series of Heroes is going…

TAGS: Kristen Bell

Kristen Bell’s Hot Behind!

Wednesday, May 21st, 2008 | 1 Comment

Ah, the best mornings ever are the one’s where your just sitting outside on your porch drinking a coffee and then you see one of these hot girls just pass by in Jogging pants. Well, this is not just one hot girl, it’s Kristen Bell. :)