Jessica-Jane Clement, Britain’s attempt at a sluttier version of Megan Fox with huge knockers, was hanging out somewhere in Thailand recently. I assume that she and her enormous breasts were just taking time off to enjoy life. Celebrities have it so hard. Jessica-Jane is a British model and TV star so I can just think of what horror her life would be. All of the expensive cars, blow jobs, cocaine and alcoholism? Poor girl, she must be stressed out.
Little does Abigail Clancy know, but I have a heart condition. And if she doesn’t stop being so G D hot, I might have some sort of tachycardia or some shit. Until I die of overexposure to hotness, let me just say this chick is nearly perfect. She has a sexy British accent, she is blonde, and I found video diaries on YouTube. This is the makings of a great celebrity target for stalking.
Where is St. Barth’s and why are beautiful people always there? I need to learn how to stalk properly. I obviously need to live in a hut on the beach in St. Barth’s. For example, just recently Miranda Kerr was sporting a tiny, tiny, tiny pink bikini and was showing off her amazing rump on the beach. And where was I? At home, spraying Cheese Whiz into my mouth. No wonder she likes Orlando Bloom more than me.
Lara Bingle craving some attention is the only reason I can think of why there are so many bikini pictures of her floating around. Her name is vaguely holiday-related and that’s enough for me. She doesn’t have to whore herself out to get my love, affection and byproducts all over her ass. JUST ASK LARA, JUST ASK!
I assume this Aussie is down in Australia shooting these bikini pictures, seeing that I’m covered in snow and slush. Christmas time in the Southern Hemisphere must suck, with it being summer and everything. I knew I was superior to Australians for a reason.
Irina is the only woman on this Earth who could give me a painful boner just by standing in front of a conifer. I’m not sure why she dressed herself in a slutty-ass bikini only to launch herself at some Christmas greenery, but I obviously don’t care. If it didn’t somehow seem disturbing and wrong on many levels, I’d put a cut-out of Irina on my own Christmas tree and do stuff on Christmas morning as a present to myself.
Ohhhhh don’t worry. The kids will still be in bed. Probably.
Apparently St. Barth’s is the place to be this time of year, with all of the hot models scampering around down there. Kylie is looking super fuckable in a tiny bikini on that beach, but it gets me wondering. Why a beach? I mean keeping practicality in mind, when I think of sex and a beach all I can think of is getting sand in my pee hole and then being miserable for an hour. I want to see some slutty model shoots being done in skeezy hotels or maybe a burger joint. In my home town, all of the dirty pervs fuck in the Burger King. So come on Victoria’s Secret, who wouldn’t get turned on by Kyle Bisutta eating a Whopper at BK?
These poor supermodels. They are so backwater-retarded they don’t even realize how silly it is to be wearing a bikini in the month of December. Are you too proud Alessandra? Must you preen like Jezebel? Aren’t your fingers and toes going to freeze right off?
Oh that’s right. I forgot. They’re not stuck in 19 degree weather like I am right now. The rules that apply to the rest of the world don’t apply to unreasonably hot supermodels. Alessandra Ambrosio is enjoying the sun, the sand and the sea down at St. Barth’s. But in all fairness to A.A., that body is way too hot to cover up – no matter what time of year it is.
I’m Carrie Underwood’s ass’s number one fan. Most of the time I abhor everything related to country music; it’s the music of pain, sorrow, dead dogs, fanatic Christians and incest. But when it comes to Carrie… even if she was my sister, I’d be banging her up against the headboard every damn night with that ass of hers.
So I hope Carrie and her ass enjoy their time in the Bahamas. Because as soon as she comes back into the country I’m going to do my best to tap that shit. Restraining order or not.
Colin Farrell is a lucky douchebag to have such a fucking hot girlfriend. Why is it that all of the amazing girls in the world are with incredibly big tools? I can be a huge dick, speak with a stupid accent and totally disrespect a woman… and does that get me laid? FUCKING NO!
These are pictures of Alicja in a bikini.. and get this.. SHE JUST HAD A KID. Most women gain 40lbs after having a kid. Then they start watching Lifetime and accusing their husbands of being abusive, lying bastards. Alicja is one of a kind.
I’ve never heard of Nicole Bahls before, but this Italian hottie seems worth a post. And who am I to pass judgment anyway? If I see revealing photos of a stunning Italian model… who am I to say that the huge rack and plump ass is unworthy (and they aren’t, by the way). I also see she is having a minor bikini malfunction. Maybe I should help her. My tongue is very adept at assisting boobs.
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