New Years Eve is a stupid pseudo-holiday that people celebrate. Why? I have no idea. The passing of time happens every year but no, we look to get blasted drunk to celebrate it. Every year. Now this could be my lonely bitterness talking, I don’t know. But instead of focusing on what the hell the lyrics to auld lang syne are, let’s focus on the hot, new T.V. chicks of 2009.

Ashley Benson & Rebecca Romijn – Eastwick

I’m pretty sure this show is a reboot of the old show the Witches of Eastwick, but I find myself hardly caring. If the cast is a lineup of blonde bombshell skanks like Ashley and Rebecca, the storyline doesn’t really matter. I’ll be watching this crap. I mean, they’re witches. If Buffy The Vampire Slayer taught us anything, it’s that “witch” is a synonym for “lesbian.”

Nina Dobrev & Katerina Graham – The Vampire Diaries

Yes, this is the millionth Hollywood inclusion of vampires this year. Am I sick of it, you ask? Hell no. These vampire shows always have skinny little girls playing the love interests of the 160 year-old men. Daddy likes. Nina Dobrev’s throaty voice is enough to make me smile… so don’t judge me for adding this show to my DVR. DON’T JUDGE ME.

Michelle Trachtenberg & Taylor Schilling – Mercy

Every time I see Michelle Trachtenberg I feel a little guilty for wanting her – she looks fifteen. But then I remember she is legal so then me and Mr. Joe go to Pleasuretown. This new hospital-setting-whatever show looks all right. I might actually watch it if Michelle shows her racks in every episode. I hope that was part of her contract.

Dianna Agron & Jayma Mays – Glee

Glee makes the drama club nerd inside of me jump up and down in happiness – until I drown his stupid high-school-aged-me ass in liquor. But the show does have promise, with the comedy and singing and whatnot… oh yeah, and the freaking hot Dianna Agron. Are you trying to trick me Dianna? Do you think I’ll fall for your clever little ruse and make me believe you’re Scarlett Johansson in this picture? WELL IT WON’T WORK. You’re still bangable though, so cheer up. Be gleeful.

Katie Cassidy & Brooke Burns – Melrose Place

Another reboot? Crap, writers are really running out of material anymore. When shows like Chuck and Dollhouse are getting canceled because they’re too awesome and unique but this crap is still on the air… well, I think it’s a sign of the apocalypse. Melrose Place might be worth a watch because I’m sure everyone will end up having sex with each other. If Katie and Brooke get it on, Melrose Place will win a place in my tubesock.

Related posts

Liked this article? Don't Keep It For Yourself!