I have seen the light! No longer will I have boring American girls pinned up in my room to be subjected to objectification night after night (read: masturbatory material). I have found something pure, good and incredibly freakin’ hot. ITALIANS!

Ilaria D’Amico

So, reason the first why this girl is unbelievably amazing and should consider my hand in marriage – she is really into sports. Specifically, she is really into football (but not the American kind). In Italy, she goes as far as hosting a TV show dedicated to football. If this chick can down a pint of beer then throw a KO punch, she’d be God.

Alessia Ventura

And you thought all Venturas were either weird men who talked out of their butts or strange governors. Alessia hosts the Italian game show, Fratelli di test. But that isn’t her only source of fame in Italy; she has been modeling since she was jail bait and just recently she attracted attention as a celebrity contestant on the Italian version of TV’s The Mole. … Hm, I completely forgot about that show. And I intend to do so again.

Frederica Fontana

A hot Italian…blonde? Oh dear God, this is awesome. Freddy works as both a cover model and also as a host of Controcampo-Diritto di replica, a football television show. Damn, these foreign girls know how to be awesome.  Oh and by the way, she posed nude in 2004 and there are hot pictures of her everywhere. Just a sidenote.

Ilary Blasi

Ilary Blasi is a child star of Italy; she has been in front of the camera since she was only 3 years old. Thank God she didn’t turn out to be one of those loser child stars, but instead a ridiculously hot one.  She is the host of the satirical program Le Iene and is a proud WAG. She is married to the Italian footballer Francesco Totti.

Giorgia Palmas

Hello, Miss World. In 2002, she placed second in the Miss World competition… but that doesn’t matter to me. Giorgia Palmas is number one in my eyes and penis! Not only is the world renown for being OMGHOT but she is also one of the hot dancing showgirls called the Veline on the Italian  program Striscia la notizia.

Elisabetta Canalis

Holy mother of all things hot – Elisabetta Canalis must be the most beautiful woman alive. True, I may forget her tomorrow when I think about some other hot chicks, but she is surely one to remember. She is Sardinian, and she has had a famously stormy relationship with the Italian soccer player Christian Vieri. These WAGs need to keep themselves under some semblance of control! Obviously she should be dating someone less dramatic… like me. Oh and those dancing Velinas? Yeah she is definitely one, too.

Manuela Arcuri

So basically Manuela is kind of a celebrity whore… and she has a guy’s name. But you know what? That makes her hot as hell. This model/actress/sex goddess dated Francesco Coco and a plethora of other celebrities that sadly did not include me. Now she is the host of the popular TV show Festival di sanremo. You really have to admire a girl who is not afraid to take off all her clothes in front of the cameras. Yum.

Sara Varone

If you don’t know who Sara Varone is, then you have been sleeping under some sad, miserable, lonely rock. Her sweater puppies are amazing enough to cure the blind, so if you don’t know who she is GO GOOGLE HER FOR 10 HOURS STRAIGHT. She is a famous Italian talk show girl and at this point it doesn’t matter who she has dated or what she has done. I have a six month plan to kidnap her, teach her to love me, and marry me among woodland creatures.

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