Most of these girls have been famous for a while, true. But I feel that in 2009, my late-night pleasure moments have been dedicated to mostly these ladies. And I believe I’m a valid sample of the population, so I’m sure everyone else will agree how bangable and awesome these chicks are.

Denise Milani

Before Denise Milani, I was a hollow shell of a man. I thought that women with gigantic titties were just creatures of myths and legends. Oh how happy I was to be proved wrong by Denise’s knockers. No longer did I stare at my girlfriend’s 32As and think “this is it.” I’m pretty confident that her chest is one of the natural wonders of the world and I would encourage all to make a shrine to it.

Hayden Panettiere

I give Hayden a lot of grief for being midget sized and a little retarded looking sometimes, but she won back my heart in 2009. Heroes, which was sucking for the past two years, had a shockingly good 2009 season. Claire got all lesbian, that perverted guy from Prison Break plays the best bad guy ever and the storyline (for once) isn’t as confusing as hell. So yay hot midgets!

Katy Perry

I get this warm and fuzzy “in love” feeling when I think of Katy Perry. I imagine us together on a beach, singing and drinking and having fun. I’d be massaging her tits and she’d be doing body shots off of some hot chicks. Oh Kitty Purry, why aren’t we together IRL? Is it because I just used the acronym IRL? I swear I can be the man you want me to be!

Kim Kardashian

This year, Kim Kardashian hit me like a bus in the street. I’m not even sure if I knew who she was before 2009, and it doesn’t matter. I know my love now. I know her topography like a geography student knows the Rocky Mountains. I love her from her bootylicious booty to her jiggly tits to her sexy, pouty lips. In fact, her ass may rival the Rocky Mountains in size.

Megan Fox

It’s crazy to think that Megan Fox hasn’t been famous for all that long. She is so mind blowingly hot I can’t believe that she wasn’t rocketing into stardom before Transformers. Well thank God for Optimus Prime and Shia TheBeef, because now the world knows Megan Fox and her delicious stripper tats.

Keeley Hazell

Keeley Hazell’s tits are like the Mona Lisa you can whack it to. There simply was NOT enough footage out there of Keeley in 2009 so I hope 2010 brings change. I mean would it be so hard for me to bump into her in London, have her suck me, and then release the recording of said sucking to the world? IS IT THAT HARD?

Lucy Pinder

If Lucy Pinder and Keeley Hazell had a “Who is the most ridiculously hot girl” contest, I’m not sure who would win. Although Keeley is hot, I gotta say that Lucy has the perfect “future wife” face. I can just imagine it looking up at me all covered in … something… and then baking me fresh cookies.

Scarlett Johansson

Scarlett is an enigma. She started out playing the sort-of-hot girl lead in Lost in Translation… then BOOM. She is the hottest chick out there and I would give up my first born child just to touch her. Not even pervertedly. I swear I would give up my kid just to touch her shoe. Sorry Joey.

Angelina Jolie

Angelina is in her 40s and has been hot forever? So what, who cares. She is like a monument to all things hot and amazing. She is better than Christmas and Easter tied together. I would do horribly nasty things to Angie if I only had the chance. Things that would make me go to hell. Things that would make Satan kind of cringe. Oh Angelina, I wish you were here.

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