Stuffing your face with stuffing is a well-embraced tradition for the citizens of the United States on Thanksgiving… but it’s sad to say that some people take it a little too seriously. My fat Aunt Carol and celebrities included. Here are the top celebrities who really need to lay off the gravy and mashed potatoes, unless next year they want to be featured as a Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade balloon.

Keely Shaye Smith

Come on Keely. You’re married to JAMES BOND. Why on this green earth are you the size of a large moon, or maybe a very small planet? I mean I’m not going to say that you are ugly now that you have a few extra pounds of cellulite, but it doesn’t make sense to me. Not that Pierce Brosnan is quite the hunky anymore, but get a grip. And not on candy.

If you want to check out Keely when she was hot (aka not fat) check out the thumb!

Before the fat:

Jessica Simpson

Now I know what you’re thinking, “WHAT? JESSICA SIMPSON? FUCK SHE IS STILL HOT!” Well, I have some news for you. Jessica Simp maybe be considered to be within the normal BMI range but! She was so damn hot before that now this minor weight gain makes even worse. It’s like turning gold into dog turds.

Before the fat:

Britney Spears

Britney is a barrel full of fucking insane, we all know this. So the addition of her being fat is just hilarious, rather than sad (like it is with the uber hot Jessica Simpson). At one point I wanted so badly to hit her just one more time… until she started hitting her face with cream sticks. Why can’t we have the non-crazy, hot, underage Britney back?

Before the fat:

Kelly LeBrock

If the name Kelly LeBrock doesn’t ring a bell, that’s fine. But you will definitely remember this 80′s hottie. She was the star of the hit geek movie, Weird Science. Kelly played the part of the oh-my-fucking-god hot girl that two nerds created as their sex slave. … those guys had the right idea. Unfortunately, now that she has put on some years she has also packed on some pounds. Stay away from the turkey Kel!

Before the fat:

Kirstie Alley

This list would be empty and meaningless without this chunkified celeb. At one point I kind of thought Kirstie Alley was hot. I maybe considered masturbating to her once. I was in a bad place, but that’s not the point. Kirstie Alley has gone back and forth between hot and not SO many fucking times that I’m about to go Old Yeller on her and just tie her out back and take a shotgun to her head.

Before the fat:

Rachel Hunter

Rachel Hunter used to fuck Rod Stewart, pose for Sports Illustrated and shoot nude pics for Playboy… until she found the turkey and gravy. I mean, I’d still let her blow me but the fact is that she has lunch lady arms and 20 chins now. At least she’ll enjoy Thanksgiving now… it’s no fun when you’re constantly running to the bathroom to purge every 20 minutes.

Before the fat:

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

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