2010 March | MeandIsis

Archive for March, 2010

Dina Lohan Stupid Bitch gave Birth to another Stupid Bitch

Friday, March 12th, 2010 | No Comments

So the crazy, stupid, compulsive lying, self centered apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. We only need to look as far as Lindsay Lohan’s mom, Dina ‘the enabler’ Lohan to begin to understand why Lindsay Lohan is such a sloppy mess. I’m really starting to truly believe that both Dina and Lindsay Lohan are suffering from cognitive impairment that is a manifestation of the brain damage that both sustained from all the years of drug and alcohol abuse. Dina should be worried about her out of control brat of a daughter looking like a beat up Coach tote/ human drug garbage disposal but instead she’s decided to dedicate her concern toward an E Trade commercial that features a milk-a-holic baby named ‘Lindsay’. Dina Lohan who looks like an old catcher’s mitt still loves the attention and takes every opportunity she can get to exploit her daughter, so naturally she had to open her trap on that insanely retarded 100 million dollar lawsuit that Lindsay filed against E Trade. In an interview with The New York Post Dina Lohan exemplifies her and Lindsay’s utter stupidity:

(After Lindsay saw the ad) “She said, ‘Mommy, help me. This is wrong. How can they do this?’ ” Dina Lohan said of a tearful phone call with her 23-year-old daughter.
“They’re little babies doing this, mocking another child who’s just trying to survive Hollywood, basically,” Dina Lohan said.

Dina goes on to say:

“I’m just basically glad I took a stand. I’m not going to let them do this to us anymore,” Dina Lohan said of the “horrible” and “mean” ad.

Oh no there are babies mocking my 23 year old child, who’s addicted to pretty much everything, been to rehab unsuccessfully for the millionth time, is a slut and also been to jail, what a horrible and mean ad. Hey Dina Lohan you know what’s really horrible and mean? Your parenting skills! WOW! Just the fact that Lindsay Lohan thinks the ad is about her speaks volumes! Both Dina and Lindsay need to get a life and fuckin get over their washed out, washed up selves. I hope E Trade bitch slaps both of them and keeps cranking out those awesome baby commercials.

TAGS: Lindsay Lohan

Bar Refaeli Greatest Jew of all Time

Friday, March 12th, 2010 | No Comments

It’s just undeniable that Bar Refaeli is the hottest Israeli women that I’ve ever seen and in my humble opinion Bar Refaeli because of the happiness that she’s brought and will continue to bring to men should be named the greatest jew of all time! I know that banks are important as are diamonds and extremely efficient and effective systems of national defense, all of which are non Bar Refaeli related Jewish accomplishments. But just look at Bar Refaeli, she’s like some sort of Jewish women superhero because she obviously received some kind of rare genetic combination that allowed her to have the superpower of physical perfection. Not to be rude (well I really don’t give a fuck if you think I’m rude, just trying to be proper since I’m writing about a superhero and all) but most Jewish women I’ve seen look like Jonah Hill or the girl version of Howard Wolowitz (mega jew from The Big Bang Theory). I’ll probably kick myself for suggesting this, but it’s for the good of mankind so here it goes, I think that instead of trying to go green and do all that save the environment stuff, which is great Leonardo Dicaprio should focus on creating a mini superhero with Bar Refaeli, can you imagine the genetics that kid would have? Talk about superpowers! By the way has anyone seen Shutter Island, and if so is it as scary as the commercials make it out to be (my girlfriend wants to know)

TAGS: Bar Refaeli

Olivia Wilde shows Cleavage and her assets

Thursday, March 11th, 2010 | No Comments

Super babe, Olivia Wilde showed off some major cleavage while on her way to some Hollywood event where she’ll mingle with other ridiculously beautiful people. Olivia Wilde, is currently my favorite television actress, because not only does she have that edgy, sexy, deep down I’m a bad girl look (her last name is after all Wild with an ‘e’ bad ass) but her role on House makes me believe that she’s not only gorgeous but also a genius! Bazinga! Olivia Wilde on House is every dweeb’s fantasy girl, hot and smart! Since I’m feeling generous today, I’ve decided to give you guys some extra Olivia Wilde photos from a steamy Elle magazine photoshoot to gawk and drool over. Just a warning to the dweebs with asthma or heart problems, one of the photos of Olivia Wilde that I’m about to post from the Elle magazine shoot might just be too hot for you to handle because she assumes ‘the position’ yes THAT position…so please have your inhaler nearby before looking at these pictures.

TAGS: Olivia Wilde

Audrina Patridge Behind the Scenes Bikini photos from FHM Shoot

Thursday, March 11th, 2010 | No Comments

I’m sure everyone enjoyed those mind blowingly hot Audrina Patridge bikini photos for the recent issue of FHM, because I know I did, wooooowza Audrina Patridge rocks a bikini like its nobody’s business! So if you liked those you’ll also like these behind the scenes photos from the FHM shoot, which feature Audrina Patridge in a bikini bottom on roller skates and if that doesn’t float your boat the photos also include some Audrina Patridge side boob action and Audrina Patridge bending over to show us more cleavage. I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again the plastic surgeon who gave Audrina Patridge those perfect fake boobs should be given some highly acclaimed award like a Nobel Prize for contributing to the arousal of all the men who lay eyes on her well enhanced boobs. That fame whore, horse face Heidi Montag should have taken a page out of the Audrina Patridge how to do plastic surgery right handbook instead of taking the advice of her shiny face, douche nozzle of a husband Spencer Pratt on what good bodily enhancements should look like. Heidi Montag went from moderately disgusting to full blown gag disgusting, because now not only does she still look like a horse but she looks like a plastic my little pony with ridiculous watermelon tits and plastic surgery gone wrong cat face. Why would anyone in their twenties play to have someone make them look like a women in her forties who is desperate to hold on. Heidi Montag, needs to get a serious head scan and probably some kind of psychological help because that chick is just not normal! But I love Audrina Patridge, she’s the perfect combination of dumb and hot.

TAGS: Audrina Patridge

Jeremy Renner to defuse Jessica Simpson’s heart or bomb it like all others before him

Thursday, March 11th, 2010 | No Comments

The Hurt Locker’s, bomb defusing expert Jeremy Renner is attempting to lock it in with Ms. Napalm herself, Jessica Simpson. I guess John Mayer’s interview with playboy where he reveals Jessica Simpson actually has awesome sex’in skills comparing her to crack cocaine and “sexual napalm” is actually doing Jessica some good, because Mr. big shot bomb diffuser (in movies) is now ready to take on some real napalm! People reports:

“Jeremy spent the night hitting on Jessica like crazy,” the source says. “They were really flirting up a storm.” Paves encouraged the two and, the source says, “Jessica loved it!” When the party was over, the two exchanged numbers, entering them into their phones.”

Of course Jessica loved it, she would love it if a stray homeless guy flashed her a smile. And I’m pretty impressed that Jessica Simpson knows her own number or for that matter how to put numbers into her phone. I like Jeremy Renner, he seems like a cool dude, so for his sake I hope that he hits it and quits it and doesn’t get duped into marriage by Jessica Simpson’s psychotic devil of a father Joe Simpson. Nahhhhh no guy after Nick Lachey was retarded enough to take Jessica Simpson seriously, so I’m not worried about Jeremy Renner.

TAGS: Jessica Simpson

Brooklyn Decker lands the 2010 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue Cover

Wednesday, March 10th, 2010 | No Comments

The beautiful Brooklyn Decker is 2010’s Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue Cover model; an American model graces the cover! I like Brooklyn Decker, she’s pretty but not over the top hot, giving us regular guys the illusion that we could actually score a chance with her. She’s not a dream killer and that’s gotta count for something. Although Brooklyn Decker looks great on the 2010 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit cover, in my opinion something was a little off about this year’s issue. It may be because trying to top Bar Refaeli’s perfect cover and equally flawless spreads from last year’s super sexy issue is just impossible but whatever the reason this year’s issue fell a little short for me, it was boring. How you make a collection of photographs featuring the most beautiful women in the world, practically half naked boring is just beyond me. Sports Illustrated needs to step up the Swimsuit Issue in 2011 and reimburse us for this year’s yawn issue! Here’s an idea, lose the swimsuits!

TAGS: Brooklyn Decker

Angelina Jolie Banged a Prehistoric Animal, Mick Jagger! Gross

Wednesday, March 10th, 2010 | No Comments

So apparently Angelina Jolie is the female, white version of Tiger Woods she just does a hell of a better job hiding her slutty ways this may be because unlike Tiger, Angelina is smart enough NOT to have sexual relations with budget ass people, who’ll snitch at the drop of a tabloid offer. Anyways the Daily Mail reports on Angelina Jolie’s apparent trysts with various ‘famous’ dudes including the dinosaur, Mick Jagger, Colin Farrel and Ralph Fiennes were also identified as fuckin lucky bastards who got to bang Angelina Jolie. Here’s what went down according to the Daily Mail, I should also mention that these allegations were taken from a new tell-all book which also claims Angelina was cheating on Brad Pitt when they first met (tell all book…hum red flags?) :

“It is alleged the pair first had a brief fling after she starred in the video for the Rolling Stones’ 1997 song Anybody Seen My Baby?, while she was still married to British actor Jonny Lee Miller.
And it is claimed they enjoyed a second affair six years later in 2003, while the womanising rocker was with his latest lover L’Wren Scott. On this occasion it is claimed the two were seen going back to Jagger’s room at the Oriental hotel in Bangkok, Thailand.”

On Angelina Jolie already cheating when she first met and seduced at the time married Brad Pitt (who is looking more and more like an old hobo these days):

“Paul also claims that Angelina was sleeping with Hollywood star Ralph Fiennes and ex-husband Miller when she met Brad Pitt in 2004.
She also says that Jolie was dating Irish actor Colin Farrell, 33, for four months after meeting him on the set of 2004 film, Alexander.”

So there you have it, Angelina Jolie is an apparent slut, take that Megan Fox, the biggest Angelina Jolie wannabe has only been with two partners my ass!

TAGS: Angelina Jolie

Lindsay Lohan Still Insane wants $100,000,000 over E Trade ad

Wednesday, March 10th, 2010 | No Comments

Although Lindsay Lohan has been trying her very best (I use the word ‘best’ loosely, because think of what an addicts very best entails, not much and for Lindsay Lohan her very best is not doing a mountain of blow with a rolled up news paper during an interview) to convince the world that she’s a changed women, that she’s no longer a junkie, drama queen, spoiled ginger drunken retard, derailed train wreck. However, Lindsay Lohan’s latest move reaffirms that Lindsay Lohan is still as fuckin stupid as ever and probably really really desperate for drug money. Lindsay Lohan is suing E Trade Securities for 100 million dollars over their commercial featuring a “milk-a-holic” named Lindsay (the commercial is hilarious).

This from Lindsay Lohan’s lawyer:

Lohan’s lawyer, Stephanie Ovadia, said the actress has the same single-name recognition as Oprah or Madonna.
“Many celebrities are known by one name only, and E-Trade is using that knowledge to profit,” Ovadia said.
“They used the name Lindsay … This is a subliminal message. Everybody’s talking about it and saying it’s Lindsay Lohan.”
She says Lohan is owed $50 million in exemplary damages, plus another $50 million in compensatory damages.

WOW! First question, how is Lindsay Lohan going to pay her lawyer? Second question Lindsay Lohan did you get even more fuckin retarded? Did someone lace your supply of blow with retard dust? Lindsay Lohan should thank E Trade Securities for using a name that is the same as hers on TV, when was the last time that Lindsay Lohan’s name was used in conjunction with something positive like milk, babies and the diversification of portfolios? Also implying that the only substance Lindsay Lohan is addicted to is milk has probably been the most flattering things that anyone has said about her in years. Last, Lindsay Lohan comparing her name to the likes of Oprah and Madonna is just plain insanity, because last time I checked the name Lindsay is a generic, ugly ass name that millions of stupid people name their kids. So Lindsay Lohan get over youself, you’re stupid please move to Germany and live with David Hasselhoff, I’m sure you two will have a wonderful time eating burgers off the floor. Props to e-trade for the lindsay lohan commercial.

TAGS: Lindsay Lohan

Screw the iPad and give me some of that Abigail Clancy

Wednesday, March 10th, 2010 | No Comments

You can always leave it to the Italians to do things that don’t make sense (those idiots from the Jersey Shore are indisputable proof) like putting the incredibly beautiful Abigail Clancy on the cover of an issue of Italian technology that is trying to promote that really big iphone also known as the iPad. In my opinion the iPad is just apple’s way of whoring out a phone that only the infantile minded use, all the smart cool people use blackberry’s. The iPad is just stupid because why the fuck would anyone wanna carry around a giant iphone? You can’t even put that thing in your pocket, which means you have to lug it around all day like the nerd that you are. My point in this whole thing is that even though those I-talians are using uber hot Abigail Clancy to promote the ipad, ya a half naked Abigail Clancy won’t take attention off a dumb ass piece of technology, I’m not complaining because god damn do I ever love looking at Abigail Clancy and fortunately for me (and all of you) Italian technology decided to not make sense and provide pages and pages of Abigail Clancy in her underwear to promote the ipad.

TAGS: Abigail Clancy

Kourtney Kardashian has kid with a STD

Tuesday, March 9th, 2010 | No Comments

Even though I think all those Kardashian sisters are useless, famous for nothing, unattractive idiots, this story is just too hilarious not to post. So apparently according to In Touch Weekly (hence the apparently) Kourtney Kardashian, the eldest Kardashian sister, who just had a baby with a non professional black athlete, Scott Disick, douche master was nicknamed ‘STD’ and ‘Number one Scum’ in high school. STD for those of you who don’t know and I can’t imagine who wouldn’t know, stands for sexually transmitted disease. In Touch Weekly who’s source for this story was a dude by the name of Jason Green reports:

Long before he gained fame on Keeping Up With the Kardashians, Scott was known as a hard partier, a serial cheater and, as one high school acquaintance puts it, “a tool.” And as more and more information surfaces about Scott’s shady past, Kourtney wonders how long she’ll be able to put up with him. Jason Green, one of Scott’s former classmates from Long Island, N.Y.’s Ross School, agrees that Scott was bad news in high school. “There were just as many rumors about him then as there are now,” Jason tells In Touch. “Scott had a couple of nicknames in high school. One was Number One Scum, and the other was STD.”

A lot of guys might be embarrassed to have the initials “STD,” but Scott thought they enhanced his reputation as a ladies’ man! According to Jason, Scott was so proud to have the same initials as “sexually transmitted disease” that “he wore dog tags with ‘STD’ printed on them.”

Holy Fuckin hell, am I right or am I right? Kourtney Kardashian proves that stupidity is a dominant Kardashian trait, as if we didn’t already know that Kardashian were stupid when we saw Kim Kardashian on tape allowing that turd Ray-J to…well you know. But back to Kourtney, who not only got knocked up by Mr. ‘STD’ Scott Disick who just oozes doucheness, but the fact that she got knocked up by him means that she’s now Mrs. STD. Oh that and the fact that she decided to procreative with this dude is just…wow! Kourtney Kardashian, smartest person alive!

TAGS: Kourtney Kardashian

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