Archive for January, 2010

Page 2 of 3123

Girls With Great Pipes

Thursday, January 21st, 2010 | 2 Comments

musicians

And not just the attractive pipes, either. These chicks can sing… whether it’s pop, country, or some French music genre which is probably considered pop. Talented girls are great; but hot girls with talent are just so much better. It’s like comparing cookies and cookies on top of cake, brownies and pie, really.

Carrie Underwood

CarrieUnderwood

Carrie has done so well since her time on American Idol, that I honestly forgot she was even on American Idol. (Which is a good thing, trust me.) Her songs are great (I would imagine if I liked country), her ass is tight, and her face is cute as hell. She is an all-around awesome chick. I bet if I married her, I’d wake up every morning to freshly made pancakes and bodily pleasures.

Katy Perry

KatyPerry

Sure, Katy Perry may be kind of a crazy whore. But you have to love that. Her music is catchy and her voice is surprisingly sexy. I hate when her music comes on in public settings because then I have to find clever and cartoony ways of hiding my boner. Like standing behind things that are coincidentally boner-height. Even if she gets married to the man-whore Russel Brand, I know that deep in her heart she’ll still think of me and that one time I awkwardly bumped into her ass in Tasti D Light.

Alizee

Alizee

I can’t understand one word of her songs, but that doesn’t matter a bit. Alizee is famous online for shaking her hot, French booty all over the stage. Blizzard wouldn’t feature her dance in World of Warcraft for nothing. Her body is amazing and her face makes me think that I’m attracted to a 14 year old. And she isn’t 14. … right? Right?

Show me the rest »

TAGS: , ,

Cat Women You’re Attracted To

Wednesday, January 20th, 2010 | 6 Comments

Catgirls

We have all been to that place. You’re sitting alone in your apartment at 4am and suddenly a re-run of Thundercats come on. It’s all well and good until suddenly you see that she-whore Cheetara. Now it’s time to get some lotion. But don’t be ashamed! We all think it, we just don’t want to admit it. Cat-women are hot. Animated, filmed or CGI. I’m just glad Freud is long dead and has nothing to say about this.

Cheetara, My First Love

Cheetara

She may be animated and she may be an advanced race of cat alien, but that can’t stop our love. As a pimply, weird teenager, my first love was destined to be Cheetara on Thundercats. Not only were animators generous with how freaking hot she is, but she is basically a prostitute. Why? Well she was alone on a planet with a handful of other male Thundercats, with no other females in site. Sure, that little girl Thunderkitty may have gotten felt up every now and again. But Thundercats have standards…that involve using Cheetara in 10 guy 1 girl orgies.

Catwoman, the Dominatrix Kitty

Catwoman

Getting aroused by comic books is in the past. Now that Halle Berry has played Catwoman, there is no need for those sad, ink representations of her. Catwoman is so fine for so many reasons: she is tough, she is a little crazy, she wears an all-leather outfit, and she is kind of a bad ass. It’s a little less awkward to tell your friends that you think Catwoman is hot, too. They won’t give you the crazy eyes (or not as much) for admitting that you’re in love with a fictional character… that’s played by Halle Berry.

Neytiri, the Blue Alien Pussy

Neytiri

After seeing Avatar, some people literally get depressed because their world isn’t Pandora and never will be. (Well, no shit losers.) But I can see why they are at least a little upset… no more Neytiri. I’m going to come right out and say it – I never thought that Zoe Saldana was hot until she played Neytiri. That cute flat nose, blue skin and pointy ears? Aww. Who’s a good puss puss? YOU ARE!

Don’t judge me for wanting the jump the bones of a blue cat-girl. You know you’re thinking the same thing. Rough tongue blowjobs.

TAGS: , , ,

Hot Heiresses That Don’t Date Me

Tuesday, January 19th, 2010 | No Comments

Heiresses

What could possibly be better than dating a hot celebrity? Well, dating a hot celebrity that is so rich that they could gold plate their dog just for fun. These fine ladies are all in on the gilded-dog action, just because their parents are filthy, filthy rich! So take your pick and try real hard to get them… but I’ll let you in on a little secret. There is no way.

$Amanda Hearst $

Amanda Hearst

Who is this incredibly hot young lady, you ask? This is Amanda Hearst. She is the great-granddaughter of  William Randolph Hearst, a formidable media tycoon. William Hurst’s empire brings in about $5 Billion in revenue every year.  She is so loaded and hot that she only moonlights as a model.  In layman’s terms: when she gets bored rolling around in her swimming pool full of gold coins, she does some modeling.

$ Paris Hilton $

Paris Hilton

She may not be in Mensa, but she is ridiculously rich. Both on her father’s and her own steam. Most of her days are spent being hot and having a sex tape circulating. Speaking of which, she didn’t mean for the tape to be leaked, but she was able to make lemonade out of extremely dirty lemons. After the incident, she was both financially and publicly better off. This is a girl who acts, models, sings (sort of), and engages in multiple business ventures… for fun. She could sit around all day shaving poodles, but no, she works. Sure, she is kind of an annoying whore but I can overlook that, since she practically pees liquid gold.

$ Ivanka Trump $

Ivanka Trump

Ivanka Trump is a statistical improbability. With a father that ugly, how could she be so hot? She must have gotten a mixture of her mom’s DNA along with a boatload of Donald’s more attractive recessive traits. Lucky for us, this heiress is beyond the realms of mere mortal hotness and she may or may not have nipples made out of gold.

$ Julia Louis-Dreyfus $

Julia LouisDreyfus

That’s right – the woman from the cast of Seinfeld isn’t just a funny actress who is still successful, even after the finale of that television show. She is painfully rich. Her family owns the French Louis-Dreyfus Group. What is that scary sounding company, you ask? It is one of the largest commodities trading firms in the world.  Not only that, but her direct relation (her father) is a billionaire attorney and business executive. And don’t think you can get her to bang you just because she is a little older. She is unfortunately already married to some loser she met in high school.

TAGS: , ,

More Action Chicks That Should Spank Me

Monday, January 18th, 2010 | 2 Comments

ActionGirls

Being dominated in the bedroom by a leather-clad chick is a pretty popular fantasy… and thanks to these vicious vixens, we get a good visual. These chicks some of the best action babes – both for their uber hotness and their credibility. When I see Kate Beckinsale in Underworld, i’m 50% turned on and 50% afraid. She is good.

Summer Glau – Terminator: Sarah Connor Chronicles

SummerGlau

Although I’m not sure if the Sarah Connor Chronicles are still on the air (who knows anymore with the cancel-happy TV executives) … but they deserve to be. Not only does Summer Glau make terminating (a verb?) look chic, but she is super hot and her body is just … wow. Apparently she got her body from being a ballerina for years. This leads me to the conclusion that the entire female population should be forced to be ballerinas at age 5.

Kate Beckinsale – Underworld & Van Helsing

KateBeckinsale

As both vampire and vampire hunter, Kate Beckinsale rules. She has a kickass athletic body and the face of an angel – the perfect woman. Actually, I’m not quite convinced she isn’t some super-advanced sex robot in a full-body leather outfit. No woman can possibly be as perfect as Kate. Say hello to my future wife of 2010.

Halle Berry – Catwoman & X-men

HalleBerry

Hello, pussycat! Now, Catwoman may not have been the best movie… but I certainly can’t stop watching it. Do you see what Halle Berry looks like in a leather cat outfit? Oh my God. Halle Berry deserves all of the recognition she gets; her breasts are gifts from heaven and she actually has some decent acting chops (Swordfish, Monster’s Ball, etc). I think Cleveland, Ohio has only produced two good things: Halle Berry and LeBron James.

Show me the rest »

TAGS: , ,

2009 Golden Globe Nominations

Friday, January 15th, 2010 | No Comments

GoldenGlobes

Or at least the ones we care about. The Golden Globes gives me that special shivery feeling… I get to see the stars I obsess over acting as if they are real people! It’s so cute, the way they try. This year looks pretty promising, regarding both actresses that are going to show and movies that were voted on. We’ll see how it turns out, but if I was an actor I would just write in Hayden Panettiere for everything. You heard me.

Emily Blunt – The Young Victoria

EmilyBlunt_YoungVictoria

I was so disappointed to find out that this movie was about Queen Victoria, and not Victoria’s Secret. There goes a $3.95 bottle of Lubriderm down the drain. It may have been good, I have no idea, but it’s one of those odd movies that I never hear about or see in theaters but somehow end up being nominated. It’s a mystery to me. Emily Blunt is soooooo fine but unfortunately taken by that goofy John Krasinski. At least that gives me hope. If she would date a dork like him, maybe I stand a chance once they are divorced.

Sandra Bullock – The Blind Side/The Proposal

SandraBullock_TheBlindSide

Even though The Blind Side is a football movie with a hot chick in it, I had no inclination to go see it. Maybe it’s because it wasn’t shoved down my throat like Avatar was. Oh, I didn’t go see that either. … … That’s right. I forgot. I’m afraid of people and refuse to go out in public. But I can still admire now-Cougarish Sandra Bullock. She is sweet, funny, and dammit Miss Congeniality was a good movie. That’s why I totally went to see The Proposal. And oh my goody-goodiness isn’t Ryan Reynolds just nummy? (You say I’m gay and I’ll punch you in the throat.)

Marion Cotillard – Nine

MarionCotillard_Nine

It seems everyone and their brother (or at least the entire cast) got nominated for Nine. It’s some movie about a guy and these girls and stuff. It’s supposed to be really deep and sexy. Or something. I don’t know, it’s a musical and anything like that makes me not pay attention. I hope this chick gets the award though, she is a freaking hot foreigner.

Show me the rest »

TAGS: , ,

Italian Babes Are Better Than Regular Ones

Thursday, January 14th, 2010 | 1 Comment

Italian Babes

I have seen the light! No longer will I have boring American girls pinned up in my room to be subjected to objectification night after night (read: masturbatory material). I have found something pure, good and incredibly freakin’ hot. ITALIANS!

Ilaria D’Amico

Ilaria D'Amico

So, reason the first why this girl is unbelievably amazing and should consider my hand in marriage – she is really into sports. Specifically, she is really into football (but not the American kind). In Italy, she goes as far as hosting a TV show dedicated to football. If this chick can down a pint of beer then throw a KO punch, she’d be God.

Alessia Ventura

Alessia Ventura

And you thought all Venturas were either weird men who talked out of their butts or strange governors. Alessia hosts the Italian game show, Fratelli di test. But that isn’t her only source of fame in Italy; she has been modeling since she was jail bait and just recently she attracted attention as a celebrity contestant on the Italian version of TV’s The Mole. … Hm, I completely forgot about that show. And I intend to do so again.

Frederica Fontana

Federica Fontana

A hot Italian…blonde? Oh dear God, this is awesome. Freddy works as both a cover model and also as a host of Controcampo-Diritto di replica, a football television show. Damn, these foreign girls know how to be awesome.  Oh and by the way, she posed nude in 2004 and there are hot pictures of her everywhere. Just a sidenote.

Show me the rest »

TAGS: , ,

Japanese Models That Will Rule the World

Wednesday, January 13th, 2010 | 5 Comments

japanese

Face it you women out there – Asians are by far the most attractive women to ever grace the Earth with their presence. They have slim bodies, ebony hair, cute little faces and the ability to not say anything that makes sense to me. That’s the kind of woman I like. These Japanese models will soon take over the world – but honestly – that will probably be an improvement.

Aki Hoshino

Aki Hoshino

Aki deviates from the norm here with her red(?) hair – but I don’t care! That just makes her even more special.  Aki is known as the “Angel of Japan” and she has been gracing the Japanese men for years. She has been becoming even more beautiful as she ages, so be prepared to see some kind of political move with Aki in it. My guess is that she will be Empress of the Universe.

Arisa Oda

Arisa Oda

If you needed to find Arisa somewhere in Japan, you need to look no further than any men’s magazine. Arisa, one of the smart Japanese women to get ridiculously huge implants, has been in the limelight for a while now. Mainly for her boobs, but her beauty is notable, too.

Miri Hanai

Miri Hanai

Miri hit internet stardom with one little video. She has a YouTube clip out in which she attempts to play a game of tennis… but somewhat fails because of her massive tits. You can find the delicious Miri Hanai in over 20 DVDs doing various things with her big boobs. And if she isn’t hot enough already, she was the poster girl for the video game Metal Gear Solid 3. How much cooler can you GET?

Show me the rest »

TAGS: , ,

Women That Chicks Love

Tuesday, January 12th, 2010 | No Comments

Girls

So apparently I’m not the only one who adores famous women, stalks them online and builds little shrines to them in their honor. Apparently, women do it, too. And there are just certain women who really make chicks get all hot and bothered.

Chicks Love Scarlett Johansson

scarlett

When girls aren’t seething with jealousy over Scarlett’s body, they are really wishing that they could hit that. (Aren’t we all!) I think girls can really identify with curves – since they are curvy creatures themselves. The thought of someone with a tight butt rubbing themselves all over Scarlett… well I just can’t handle it. It’s too freakin’ hot.

Sophia Bush Could Get Ladies

sophia

Sophia’s voice is like a siren song for both men and women alike. She is the perfect candidate for straight up lesbianism. Not only does she sound manly and husky (and that would fulfill the butch lesbian requirement), but she would look freaking amazing licking a pair of tits. Just saying.

Jennifer Connelly is a Grade A Lesbian

jennifer

Ever since I saw Jennifer in Requiem For a Dream, I believed in a thing called love. I know that J. Connelly has the good for hot lesbian sex because there is a certain scene in said movie where she commits the best lesbianism act ever. For money. Jennifer Connelly performing ass to ass is a life changer – and 95% of women believe it, too.

Show me the rest »

TAGS: , ,

Hot Athletes That Could Kill Me

Monday, January 11th, 2010 | No Comments

Hot Athletes

Girls that are 10x tougher than me are hot. Not that it takes a lot for girls to be that strong in comparison to me. The biggest thing I can lift is the tv tray with my Doritos and Mountain Dew on it. So here is a great list of chick athletes who I’d love to bang… and that would probably kill me in the sack.

Maria Sharapova

Maria Sharapova

Tennis players so so hot… I’m not sure if it’s the guttural sounds they make when they slam balls or if it’s the spandex. Most likely it’s some combination of both. But Maria Sharapova is the cream of the crop. Not only is she good at tennis (like one of the Amazon Williams sisters) but she is a blonde bombshell. Spike me Maria!

Erin Andrews

Erin Andrews

No, maybe Erin doesn’t play sports but she is around them enough for me to consider her an athlete. Not to mention her body is f’n fantastic. So tasty that I may work hard for 5 years at becoming a pro football player just so that I may have the chance of speaking to the great Erin Andrews. Or I’ll work those 5 years at stalking Erin.

Allison Stokke

Allison Stokke

Allison Stokke’s thighs could crush my head into a bloody pulp… and I’d like it. This chick is completely ripped and so freaking awesome. There are pretty much no nude pictures of her online but I can get hard just thinking about her. For some reason, athletes like Allison are hot for all-body spandex outfits. And daddy likes.

Show me the rest »

TAGS: , ,

The True Blood Chicks Are Sexual Deviants

Friday, January 8th, 2010 | No Comments

True Blood

At the People’s Choice Awards, Vampire movies and television shows pretty much cleaned up. Vamps are all the rage right now – but let’s face it, they are always on the radar. Underworld? The Lost Boys? Interview with a Vampire? … must I go on? I’m thankful for these fads for one reason only – the incredibly hot women that are usually associated with them. True Blood on HBO has a great lineup of chicks in their show. If you’re not a fan of vampires let me clue you in on something – you see pretty much all of these women naked, banging some creature of the night. So tune in, why don’t ya?

Sookie Stackhouse – Anna Paquin

sookie

Sookie is the main character of True Blood – a telepathic waitress who decides she really wants to get on top of a 100+ year old man. From about 6 episodes into the first season, there are a million times where you can see: 1.) Sookie’s boobs 2.) Sookie having sex and 3.) Sookie’s butt. Watching True Blood is a win/win situation, really. I’m not a huge fan of Anna Paquin but she is definitely worth watching in True Blood.

Jessica Hamby – Deborah Ann Woll

jessica

Jessica is Vampire Bill’s child. Not in the literal human sense, but Bill is her maker. He had to turn her in punishment for killing some embezzling vamp who was trying to killinate Sookie. Jessica is one of the best parts of the show in season 2. She is smokin’ hot redhead who seems pretty innocent… until she goes crazy and rips the throat out of some people after she has sex with them. Awwwww. Baby vampires are cute.

Queen Sophie Anne Leclerq – Evan Rachel Wood

sophie

Sophie hasn’t been in the series long, but I have a feeling this big-toothed vampire chick will make a big splash in season 3. Evan Rachel Wood is hot but Sophie Anne is hotter… mainly because one of the first times you see her, she is sucking the blood of a blonde chick’s groin. I rest my case.

Show me the rest »

TAGS: , , ,
Page 2 of 3123