I don’t know about you but if a girl looks like she could kill me with her ass, then that is a definite plus. I’m actually a little frightened by the size of Coco’s rotund bottom. What the hell is she feeding that thing? Small children? Kim Kardashian Pedigree Ass Chow? Anyway, I’m definitely not complaining but… damn! Pretty soon NASA is going to announce that this rump has the gravitational pull of a small black hole.
See more ass-tastic pictures of Nicole here.
Since I don’t give a crap about the holidays and my family is having a Christmas party today, I needed an excuse to miss it. So I sat down this morning and thought – how can I efficiently waste my time and feel guilt free about bailing on my family? It was obvious, really. I need to educate the people on what Tiger was roughing up with his nine iron.
Elin Nordegren (The Model Wife)
Elin Nordegren is Tiger Woods’ current(?) trophy wife. She was formerly a Swedish bikini model (although she still is Swedish). She was his devoted wife for five years and popped out two tiger cubs for him. You would think that doing that alone would earn her a little respect from the Tiger Has-Wood!
I wouldn’t feel too sorry for her, though. Apparently she has a vengeance streak and does not accept getting messed around on for years. Norse women aren’t kidding. Elin had no qualms with scratching the crap out of Tiger and then beating him off. With a golf club. Until he was bloody.
Rachel Uchitel (The Hot Model)
So who are you going to be banging if it isn’t your hot Swedish model of a wife? Any chick with enormous knockers, of course. Tiger and Rachel met while she was working as a hostess in a Manhattan night club. Although it’s a few steps down from being Swedish or a model, I suppose it would do. She has been denying to the press that she and Tiger knocked boots, but we know better. Look at that rack. They have tiger prints all over them.
Jamie Jungers (The Almost-Model)
Obviously Woods got wood over Jamie because she was a hot as hell blonde who was kind of a model. (Not that it matters since he was banging a model at home anyway. I know from personal experience that model lays are all the same after so many, anyway.) She was having a 18-month long affair back when she was the ripe age of 20. She seems cute and doable but you got to question the morals of a chick who would come over to get pounded if she knew that the wife was gone. But I guess if you are the guy doing the pounding you really don’t give a crap anyway.
Then again, Olivia Munn would be ridiculously hot even if she was cleaning out a lint trap. She is the perfect mix of “real” girl and “hot” girl (and yes usually they are mutually exclusive). If a girl is hot it is pretty much a statistical impossibility that she is also “real” in the sense that I would be able to tolerate her for longer than a bj. She is a video game guru, she is funny and she is a tech nerd. Be still my heart! I just know she’d be impressed by my average log time on World of Warcraft of 80 hours per week. I bet she’d get wet over my 1337 skillz! So here goes.
Olivia, my dear and my love – will you marry me? (If you don’t respond, I will take that as a yes, and will come get you. If you resist I will just know you love me that much more.)
So the backstage area of a Victoria’s Secret fashion show might seem to be all perky tits and tight asses, but there is something sinister going on in this group of photos. Marisa Miller is strutting her breasticles around in a million-dollar diamond VS bra and everything seems normal. Except for … what the hell is this creeper doing???
He shows up in most of these backstage photos and my best guess at wtf is going on is this: he and the other members of his creepy baby-faced gang are planning a hostile takeover of this show in order to divest Marisa of her bounty-filled diamond bra. Then we would sell the bra for traveling money and bring Marisa along as our unwilling, but completely violated, sex slave.
…Did I say “we”? I meant “they.” THEY are going to dress Marisa up as my high school girlfriend Gretchen Barker and make her say that she still loves me while I pound her. They.
Irina is the only woman on this Earth who could give me a painful boner just by standing in front of a conifer. I’m not sure why she dressed herself in a slutty-ass bikini only to launch herself at some Christmas greenery, but I obviously don’t care. If it didn’t somehow seem disturbing and wrong on many levels, I’d put a cut-out of Irina on my own Christmas tree and do stuff on Christmas morning as a present to myself.
Ohhhhh don’t worry. The kids will still be in bed. Probably.
The 18 Friends who Make Facebook Annoying??? NO WAY!
…Oh wait, that’s not the point here. With Rihanna showing her tits like that I’m not sure if most men will be able to notice anything else: the other articles in the magazine, their kids, the road in front of them, et cetera. The January 2010 GQ magazine will be the highest seller but no one will read the G D articles because you have a woman as hot as hell in it. I always forget how fucking hot Rihanna is because she is usually too busy getting bitchslapped or whatever. But kudos to you, Rihanna, nice tits.
Usually at this time of year I’m too busy bitching about the buying of presents to realize why I’m buying the presents. Sometimes I lose the true meaning of Christmas within the capitalistic exchange of money for goods and/or services. What is the reason for the season you ask?
Well Lucy “Big Tit” Pinder can tell you, my friend. At Christmas, you see, it’s one of those unwritten rule holidays that force women to dress very, very skanky and the world loves them for it. Halloween is in the same vein. As long as have Santa hats or reindeer antlers on, sluts can get away with being half-naked and being bent over doggy style in public. Lucy and her friends are all topless in Nuts – but do we care? No! All is accepted and forgiven at Christmas, folks!
Thank God for trashy, famous whores. My life would be spectacularly shitty if I didn’t get my kicks through celeb chicks showing their goods. Lucky for me, Victoria is displaying some high class, sequenced side boob here. This picture is so damn good, with her massive tit, peepee sucking lips and sexy cheekbones, she should put it on a Christmas card. It would be perfect if it would read “Merry Christmas from the whore your boyfriend pretends to bang while in bed with you.”
Denise Milani’s tits are getting so big they are starting to have a mind of their own. No wonder they are showing their support of breast cancer awareness in Denise Milani’s recent photoshoot – they are just trying to save their own delicious skin. Personally, I’d do anything to save Denise Milani’s magical fucking body. It’s literally a miracle to have tits that amazing. As soon as I’m rich and fully able, I will single-handedly find a cure for breast cancer. Why? Just to make sure Denise’s tits will be okay and live a long, full, round, jiggly life.
What do hardcore porn and DJing have in common? Well, Niki Belucci apparently! I never knew a house DJ could be so damn sexy but this Hungarian chick is teaching me a thing or two. Apparently she DJs in an erotic way – usually topless and leaving poor suckers like me begging for more. It’d be better if more hot, topless girls were DJs. It seems much less conspicuous when I tell my girlfriend that I’m going to a club to listen to some DJ…. rather than I’m going to a strip club to bury my head in some titties. The US needs to get more like Hungary, fast.
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